Reader Response Draft 2 with Professor's review
In the article, “Why it’s time to take a
good, hard look at wealth inequality in Singapore”, Jeff Onn (2014) summarized
Sudhir Thomas Vadaketh’s article about wealth inequality in Singapore. Vadaketh
argues that wealth inequality results in social strain and discrimination. He
states that it affects a person’s sense of fairness which can lead to the loss
of confidence in the fair ways of meritocracy among people. In addition, wealth
concentration can exert an influence on the public which would[1]
question a country’s state of equality. Wealth inequality also results in
monetary wastage and social instability.
The solutions he provides are taxation, such as capital gain tax and
inheritance tax, and redistributing
of [2] wealth
to improve educational, employment and general life states for the low income.
Indeed, wealth inequality is a problem we should be concerned about[3] ,
however, there
are also positive impact of wealth inequality[4]
such as a highly motivated workforce and entrepreneurship.[5]
Undeniably[6] ,
Vadaketh’s statement on monetary wastage that resulted from wealth inequality
is agreeable. However, these monetary wastage can actually serve as a
motivation for people. For example, a car would result in[7]
convenience, but a BMW car would result in convenience and self-satisfaction. It’s[8]
the sense of achievement in having bought a luxury good after working hard for
it that makes people motivated. According to tradingeconomics.com, Singapore’s
productivity, which is volatile on a short term basis, is on an increasing
trend overall. This can be seen as there was an increase of Singapore
productivity that ranges from 60 to 100 index points during the 1980s, to
currently 2000s, where it ranges from 100 to 140 index points. In comparison,
Singapore’s consumer spending is also on an increasing trend from 4086.60 SGD
million in 1975 to 34337.30 SGD million in 2015. This can imply that people are
motivated by the consumer products to work harder and increase one’s wealth.[9]
Singapore
being a financial centre with low tax rate, it is easy to increase one’s wealth
through many approaches, one being entrepreneurship.[10] Entrepreneurs are encouraged by the large increase
in wealth[11]
and low tax rate to take risks and start up their businesses. This in turns
helps to grow Singapore’s economy. According to Global Entrepreneurship Monitor
2012 Singapore Report, Singapore placed second among 25 chosen global economies
in having one of the highest percentage of Total early-stage entrepreneurial
Activity (TEA) of 11.6%. Furthermore, in the 2014 report, it is stated that the
TEA for Singapore has remained higher than 10% over the years and Singapore is
still one of the top few entrepreneurial nations. With more businesses being
set up, this would result in more job opportunities for others. SPRING
Singapore is an enterprise that helps nurture start-ups, and stated in their
2014/2015 annual report, SPRING managed to create 22,280 new jobs from their
projects. This has been an increase from 15,895 in 2010. An increase in
start-ups would result in an increase in gross domestic products (GDP), which
means an increase in Singapore’s level of economy. Furthermore, there would be
an increase in job creation, which would decrease Singapore’s unemployment
rate.
In conclusion, there are many Cons of wealth inequality that we should be concern
about.[12]
However, there are also Pros of wealth inequality that we should not overlook
such as motivated citizens and growth in Singapore’s economy. If wealth inequality was removed, or capital
gain tax is enforced, would you still be as motivated and risk taking?[13]
Professor's Comments
some really good ideas here, and awesome research. need to fix the topic sentences a bit to link back to the thesis. please see the sample essay for today’s lesson. it contains helpful notes and comments about how to link topic sentences and concluding sentences back to the thesis.
[1] "and prompt them to"
[12] writing this sentence this way throws
the reader off because it gives the impression that your essay is about the
adverse impact of wealth inequality. the main idea of your essay is stated in
the next sentence, so reduce the focus on this sentence and increase the focus
on the next sentence by joining these two sentences together with
"although Vadaketh pointed out many adverse impact..., there are
positive...."